Friday, January 30, 2004

heys=(
Life's really tiring.
Its Bad. Real bad. Its just so demoralising.
I don't know, its just the fact that states
"you're never going to get this right"
There's this big fat obsruction that blocks you from whatever
Your need be. It just brings my life down.
I'm really dissappointed in myself. Really I am.
I had dreams, goals, aspirations... Where'd they go?
Don't ask me. I really don't know.
My life's just this big clump of dust piling up at the corner an attic.
And it just accumulates as time passes,
Despite the many spring cleanings, the wiping.
You'll never be able to wipe the fact away.
Its not dust-face it- its a stain.
Sigh.
There are so many things clouding my life up.
Academics, dance, council, house...
Everything's just crashing and spewing all over the place
Its just so hard to get a direction right you know?
I'm not Jamie I used to be.
I most probably never ever will be.
The reflection i see in the mirror every morning as i dress for school
Just mutates. It changes so bad.
Its hard sometimes to even tell what I am,
And what I've changed to be.
Fine. So i smile in school. I smile all the time.
Smiling is so easy. Just open that gap and expose those teeth.
Okay, so I'm always jolly around school and it seems I always am.
Its so easy. Just be hyper.
But ever thought that people aren't always what they seem to be?
Ever thought that mirrors lie?
Ever thought that mirrors could rust?
My world is breaking down
Its a collage of taped debris.
Debris that fell apart, and always will.
I try so hard you know?
So hard.
I try so hard to be a good example.
I try harder to be a better dancer.
I try my best in Academics.
But what if my best just isn't enough to suffice?
I push myself.
I can swear I'm starting to have eye-bags.
Sleeping at two, waking up at six? Getting zero for achievements?
Its just not right.
Not right.
People think I've changed due to influence. For the worst.
They claim my acedemic grades have ebbed.
They say I'm not putting in any effort.
What?
Look.
I placed twice as much effort as i ever had.
I sleep later by day.
I feel drained of energy easier by hour.
And you say I dont put in any effort???
I placed my blood and soul on a bet!
Just desperately wishing that I'll reap more then I have sowed.
But these things just dont happen.
They just dont.
Not anymore.

Posted by Jamie at Friday, January 30, 2004

Monday, January 26, 2004

ellos=)
I'm tired! Really tired!
I know i totally shouldnt be blogging right now,
But I'm SORRY okay?
I just have to. I need to pour out.
Trainning wore me out today
Which actually makes me wonder
How I'm ever supposed to survive mass run tomorrow
(Let the rain fall down!!! rain rain rain!)
Ah well, it isn't that bad=)
Hmm. We must learn to take the positive onlook of things
*grins* hee. At least we dont have to run a few kliks right?
Ah. Dance was pain today. Thats a good thing for your info=)
I think I aggravated my wrist, and pulled my muscle on the left leg.
Which makes me wonder again,
How i'm supposed to live through mass run tomorrow.
Ahhh. sheesh.
Laoshi made us do gym today*yay*
The sec ones were taught the basics,
And some were screamin' away because of 'Chijitui'
(eat drumstick) which literally means pushing your leg
Till its next to your head and parallel to the wall
Oh, and letting you scream your heart out! yepp.
It wasnt to bad. For me at least.
And though i've already sprained my wrist,
I stubbornly did front flips and cartwheels.
[dont tell my mom;)]*
Oh! and i learnt to do handless cartwheels!!!
Yipeee!*~yeeha. though i cant do it fast enough
And sometimes i crash onto the ground all the same
Haha, anyway, I'm just doing a brief recount so, see ya soon!
Adios Peeps!

Posted by Jamie at Monday, January 26, 2004

Friday, January 23, 2004

Heya=)
I finally changed my blogskin! *yay*
Haha:)
Life's been slow. real slow. And i thought time flew.
Anyway, there's always this barrier that blocks whatever you need to do.
It just stays there obstructing your every move.
Its just so pesky, sigh.

I danced on new year's eve in school
And i think it was okay:)
The spanish dance was more than just HOT!
It was literally FLAMIN'! Haa.
It was quite fun you know,
Doing all those moves and hearing people woot and scream.
Mish Savage was giggling on stage
But it was really fun.
Yepps.
We had to keep running and rushing to get the make up done
Changing our head gear
Changing our costumes
Warming up for stunts.
Yeah. Its a tough life in dance=)
Thats why i love it
=)

Posted by Jamie at Friday, January 23, 2004

Friday, January 16, 2004

Hey hey=)
I haven't had much free time to myself
And this isn't exact free time...
I'm just eating into my study time.
Argh. Cant be bothered.
Ah well, at least I'm practicing my art of Multi-tasking
-In a sense at least. Hee.

Life is SO so busy. I don't even have time to do my own things. This for example! I come back at seven everyday. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, I can only settle down to start off on my work at ten! Whart mentality is this?! Its totally beserk! Crap. And I have extra dance practices because of new year performances, orientation, campfire night! Madness!!! Crap. In wanting so much to do well this year, is this what tops everything off??? Sleeping at two every night in desperate pleas of completing mounds after mounds of assignments? Crap. And the best thing is, when I think I've completed majority of my assignments, this vile word "music theory" pops up. How nice. Hmm. Maybe I'm just not used to this hectic lifestyle. Not as yet at least. Some one save me!!!

Okay, that's a work-orientated section of the entry. Here's the emotional/ People-sort orientated part.
Yep. Okay. See here, now there's always been this saying " Love makes the world go round". I have serious doubts on whether that theory is proven positive. See, its totally not true!!! A friend who prefers to be unknown hasn't quite gotten over a Love that left her, and is so mopey, depressed, and dejected. Believe or not, its a pretty depressing sight. I never thought Love could be ever so Ruthless. It makes us believe in lies that dont even carry sentiment! It leaves the victim in an empty void of rejection. Sad to say, that empty void stays with her throughout. Maybe even forever. Its a bad memory etched in her. She's never ever gonna trust people when they say "I love you." ever again. Love is passion. But Love smothered her passion when it decided to take its leave, walking out on her. Now tell me, how is she ever supposed to try getting over that? Spare a thought. If Love really makes the world go round, then how is it supposed to answer to this? Anyway, the world ISNT round. Its spherical. See?

Posted by Jamie at Friday, January 16, 2004

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Happy new Year all you peeps out there=)
Well, nothing much to a new year except for
The great part we had last night!
Ah well, the year's finally come to a close.
reflection don't usually help here though.
[They tend to bring me down see.]
Anyway, I've gone through a lot this year=)
Widened my social circle, learned new skills,
(like mastering 'Risk'!!! YESSS!=P)
And lots more.
Though the point that I'm trying to put across
Is that the year was a blast!
Totally, and its so ironic you now?
Looking back is one thing,
But Putting the future right in front of you sorta erm.
demoralizes?
I dunno.
Gosh. I'm sec two already!
They say one year older, one year wiser,
But I aint feelin any wiser than I did Thirteen hours ago!
So you see, there are so many things
To look forward to in the coming year,
But how many loopholes do we lose by placing our foot
Just one step after December 31st?

Being a Sec two is no easy rat-about.
All peeps out there in the right frame of mind
Should already be aware of the fact that
By raising the bar to
I'm not so sure about the gaining,
But we've got plenty to lose.

Well, in my perspective,
Being in sec two means
Being in a Crisis-Year Zone.
Come on, I know I'm cranky,
But the truth is laid right in front of you.
We wont have so much time to bother about forms leisure
For we know perfectly well that it is not something
A Second-year Crescentian can spend time indulging in!
No time to spend on running around with Joyce, nic and codey
In the park, sitting in the fields, playing soccer?
Nope not that.
Well, the situation definitely does not warrant it!

Oh well, I'm sure it has its pros too!
Lets see.
Does having to take care of a flock of lost sheep
Count as a big Whoop for starting off a school term?
Yeah=)
I guess it could be a good way to start things going!
It would be kinda fun anyway=P
Reflecting on how we looked like them on the first day of school=D
Haha. Anyway, I'm going off to pack up some things.
Wish me luck in handling them freshbies, and see ya soon!

Baa, sec ones. Have you any brains?
Sure you do!

Posted by Jamie at Thursday, January 01, 2004